Poor Barb

[junipercreekjunkie]

It seems Barb has to hold everything together all by herself. I don't like her, but I feel sorry her. Bill wants her to run the casino, the family, the campaign, and now Home Plus. Do any of the other "wives" have to do this, NO! Margene gets to run around and have a fun little business that makes lots of money. She is in for a big fall, Barb is right, that business isn't going to last forever, and Barb was super thoughtful to "include" a little home office in the "Big House" when the inevitable happens. Meanwhile, Nikki is so wrapped up in herself and her pregnancy woes that she doesn't help Barb any, just adds to her load. Not that she could help any, dressing like she does.

Is Barb going to lose it, and go ballistic? Will she fall into the arms of the Native American Tommy? His wife and kids were killed, it must be lonely up there at the casino for him..hmmm.

And worst of all, Barb is going to be in deep trouble with Bill, instead of getting thanks for all she has done, when he finds out that she signed Marilyn up because she was mad at Bill.

[marigoldmama]

yeah, Barb is really a wreck.

I forgot about that little signature issue. Barb is going to be in the doghouse!

[blazdell]

But Bill has no one to blame but Bill. He is never around when he is needed and he is the one that wants all these things

[missingkathy]

Nikki takes care of the kids, I think . . . remember that they still have five little ones and Teenie, and no Sarah or Ben to help anymore. I'd rather be working like Margie or Barb than taking care of six kids with no help!

[kambria]

I just hope Barb doesn't ave a nervous breakdown or get ill from all of the stress.

[rissmeek]

Well Bill set himself up for his last faithful wife to fall into the arms of another man.

Nikki - went to Ray because Bill wasn't paying attention to her as a person

Margie - went to Ben because Bill wasn't around when JJ came screaming or when she making her big time debut

Barb - There was a bomb threat at the casino and did he offer any sort of protection? Nope, Tommy was the one who offered to make sure Barb was safe. Bill didn't even offer to come home. Now we know why he didn't but at the time Barb thought he was in Seattle not Mexico rescuing their son.

[albertaleon]

I feel really bad for Barb. I do not know too much about the back story of her life. Does anyone? The way I imagine it is Bill and Barb were married for many years. I think at some point I heard 18 years before Barb got sick with cancer. For all those years Barb led a life in her church and was close to her family. Barb's three children grew up in a household with one mother and one father. I got the impression that Bill had little to do with his family and Juniper Creek for all the years Barb and Bill were married with three children in a traditional way. Barb gets sick and believes that she is going to die. Nikki wanted to go with Barb and Bill. I remember it being mentioned that Nikki had her eyes on Bill for some time perhaps her whole life. We know that Nikki is manipulative and I got the impression that Nikki manipulated her way into Barb and Bill's life under the pretense to help take care of Barb and their three young children. I think that Nikki and Barb did get close to each other. Nikki saw Barb at her worst with her cancer. I got the impression that Nikki manipulated Barb into believing that it would be in the best interest of Ben, Sarah, and Teenie to have a mother, and, Nikki probably told Barb that she would take great care of Ben, Sarah, and Teenie. Barb not wanting her children to be without a mother agreed that Nikki should marry Bill after her death. Barb probably told Bill that he should marry Nikki after her death because Nikki would be able to watch after her children. Barb did not die. I got the impression that Nikki always believed that Barb would die and Nikki would be first wife. I do not believe that Nikki ever anticipated on being second wife.

After Barb recovers, Barb's entire life changes including the life of her three children. They start living the principal and Bill and Nikki are sealed. I am under the impression that this is never the life that Barb wanted. Barb lost her family (parents) and her church. These things seemed to mean a great deal to Barb. I am certain that Barb had to have suffered some type of post traumatic stress disorder from coming so close to death. After Barb was cancer free, I do not feel as though Barb was mentally strong. I think that if Barb would have been able to she would have stopped Bill from marrying Nikki. The previous had to be devastating to Ben, Sarah and Teenie. I think that if Barb would have been able to she would have stopped Bill from marrying Nikki to save her children from a drastic and perhaps damaging life change to their psyches.

I think that it is clear that during all of the chaos of Barb's illness and Nikki manipulating her way into Bill and Barb's life together, Bill made the poor choice to take money from Roman. This gave Roman power over Bill. I also think that it is clear that Bill has never loved Nikki the way a husband loves a wife. To me it has seemed as though Bill really loves Barb and thinks of her as his wife. I do not think that Bill has ever been in love with Nikki. Then came Margene and I think Bill was just sexually attracted to her.

I feel really sorry for Barb because this is not the life that she could have imagined for herself. I do not believe that this is the life that she wanted for her children either. Now Barb carries all of Bill's burdens. Barb is expected to do everything. I never figured out when Barb managed to find the time to get her Masters degree. Barb carries Bill, Nikki and Margene. Barb seems to have a heavy heart.

I do feel really bad for Barb. Now she knows that her husband has cheated on her twice. I think that Barb has tried to make herself believe that she believes in the principal but really does not. Now that she knows that Bill has cheated on her twice, Barb has to wonder what has she gotten herself into. The husband that she had for many years and planned a life with now has children with three other women. I think Barb tries to make herself feel better by making herself believe that she is as much of a mother to those children as Nikki, Margene and now Ana.

In my opinion, Barb has it the hardest. Nikki is used to the principal and believes in it. Nikki believes that Bill is the true prophet. Margene seems as though she will go along with just about anything. I don't mean that in a bad way because Margene is my favorite. Margene has not lost the things that Barb did which was basically Barbl's life as she knew it. In my opinion, Margene kind of lucked out. Margene did not have any direction and found a family that has taken care of her. In my opinion, The Hendrickson's have a high quality of life. They seem to me to be upper middle class. To be able to afford three beautiful homes, a pool, beautiful landscaping, eight (?) children. They are always dressed nice and seem to have nice things. I do not think Margene would have this high standard of life without Bill, Barb and Nikki.

I am sorry if this is too long. I deeply apologize if I offended anyone with this long post. Honestly these are the things my family and I discuss on a regular basis. Some of us have different opinions.

Again, sorry for such a long post. I do feel sorry for Barb and how she went to having a seemingly happy life with a husband and three children and being involved in the church she grew up in to being where she is now. How does everyone else see Barb's story from going to a married woman to a husband with only one wife for many years (18 ? if anyone knows how long Barb and Bill were married before Nikki and starting to live the principal let me know) with three children and a seemingly happy life to where she is now.

I think the story of Barb's journey is interesting and would like to hear thoughts. Barb's story in my opinion is directly related to feeling sorry for her.

[dsc6]

There's nothing wrong with writing a long post!!

I completely and totally agree with what you said about Barb. All of it. I have seen Barb, season after season trying so hard to convince herself and everyone else that she is all for the Principle. What choice has she ever had?? It has been her only way to stay married to her husband. She always has seemed sad to me underneath it all. And Bill just keeps pushing her and pushing her, stretching her ability to make this whole thing OK to her. And when it becomes not-OK--watch out. Barb is going to hit the fan.

[JJ77]

Feb 22, 2010 23:02:06 GMT -5 albertaleon said:

I feel really bad for Barb. I do not know too much about the back story of her life. Does anyone? The way I imagine it is Bill and Barb were married for many years. I think at some point I heard 18 years before Barb got sick with cancer.

They have been married for 18 years total. (episode 40) I believe (based on different comment from seprate chracters ) that they have been living the principle for about 7 years.

For all those years Barb led a life in her church and was close to her family. Barb's three children grew up in a household with one mother and one father.
At the point they became poly - Teeny was probably a toddler, and I think sarah has said she was 12 - so that would make ben about 10 / 11. So, for sarah it was huge disruption, for ben to some close degree, and for Teeny is normal.

I got the impression that Bill had little to do with his family and Juniper Creek for all the years Barb and Bill were married with three children in a traditional way.

I agree. I just dont undertand how they seemd to have went formt hat to calling on someone fromt he compound (Nicki) to help care for Barb when she was sick?

Barb gets sick and believes that she is going to die. Nikki wanted to go with Barb and Bill. I remember it being mentioned that Nikki had her eyes on Bill for some time perhaps her whole life. We know that Nikki is manipulative and I got the impression that Nikki manipulated her way into Barb and Bill's life under the pretense to help take care of Barb and their three young children.

I always got the impression that it was as equally manipulated by Roman. Nicki has said that she didnt marry for love. It has also been eluded to that some kind of deal went down between Bill and Roman in NIcki being sealed to him.

I think that Nikki and Barb did get close to each other. Nikki saw Barb at her worst with her cancer. I got the impression that Nikki manipulated Barb into believing that it would be in the best interest of Ben, Sarah, and Teenie to have a mother, and, Nikki probably told Barb that she would take great care of Ben, Sarah, and Teenie.

Nicki stepped in and not only took care of Barb but took care of Barbs family whens she was not able. I think Barb loved her and felt great gratitude for this reason. You have to remember though that nicki was raised on the compound and beleived firmly in the principle - so to say she manipulated barb into beeliveing theses things implies she herself didnt truly beleive them and i think she did.

Barb not wanting her children to be without a mother agreed that Nikki should marry Bill after her death. Barb probably told Bill that he should marry Nikki after her death because Nikki would be able to watch after her children. Barb did not die. I got the impression that Nikki always believed that Barb would die and Nikki would be first wife. I do not believe that Nikki ever anticipated on being second wife.

This could be true. I think it was Bill who did the manipuating though. he took advantage of Barbs love for him and their family. (he has even said so) I thnk Barb may have still been sick / in recovery when they married - but thats just the impression i have.

After Barb was cancer free, I do not feel as though Barb was mentally strong. I think that if Barb would have been able to she would have stopped Bill from marrying Nikki.

I think Barb has gone back and forth with her feelings about this.
I thin she struggles with it unendingly. At times she has basically said she was taken advantage of. At others she has thanked Bill for her sister wives and stood firm in her own beleif in the principle.

I feel really sorry for Barb because this is not the life that she could have imagined for herself. I do not believe that this is the life that she wanted for her children either.

How many of us can say our lives ARE exactly what we imagined they would be? I'm not saying I feel no sympathy for Barb... but really - these were choices she made as well.

I think that Barb has tried to make herself believe that she believes in the principal but really does not.I think Barb tries to make herself feel better by making herself believe that she is as much of a mother to those children as Nikki, Margene and now Ana.

I think Barb struggles with her beleifs b/c she doesnt feel ok with shaping them to fit her needs (as bill does), and b/c she NEEDs to beleive in something. She needs to feel that all she does is for some greater pupose or barb is left with no purpose.

[miceelf]

I get the sense that when Barb was really sick, her family and church just weren't there to support the family, so Bill went to his "family" at JC, for help. Barb's sister and mother can be real witches -- I can see them whining and wringing their hands, "Oh Bill, I know Barb is horribly ill with chemo, and I'd love to come help with the children, I really would, but I have a meeting with the Ladies' Auxiliary and Garden Club today!" The people at JC are freaky to be sure, but one thing they have is a ready supply of women who are used to backbreaking work and are trained to serve as cooks, maids, nurses, babysitters, carpenters, farmers, pack horses, you name it. Bill had three young kids and a dying wife and may not have known where else to turn.

Also, money seems to have been a huge problem -- Bill was self employed, and it sounds like he did not have adequate insurance for Barb's cancer treatment. So as much as he hated Roman, who else could he go to, who else could solve both problems? And Nicki was fresh from whatever horrors JJ put her through, so Roman may have been looking for a suitable man to place her with -- take her off his hands, and maybe ease some of his (minor) guilt at having sealed his darling daughter to that monster JJ in the first place. Maybe Nicki had a crush on Bill since they were kids, and that was the main reason Roman insisted that Frank banish Bill? I got the impression that when Bill came to Roman for help with Barb that Nicki was practically jumping up and down, "Pick me, pick me!' to go help.

[marigoldmama]

i agree with everything you all wrote.

Just wanted to throw out another thought.

In times of stress, we sometimes return to things that are comforting and familiar. Juniper Creek is certainly a mess but it was home for many years with people that Bill did love and religious principles that he once embraced.

Maybe Bill (in additon to all the other reasons stated above) returned for emotional reasons too?

[katilee]

albertaleon,

I couldn't disagree with you more...when you said Bill never loved Nikki. I think he loved Nikki first. I think, just like she, he sometimes had his eyes on her at the compound...but whether he did or not, he definitely loves Nikki, in fact, I think he loves her the most. They share the fire; he forgives things she's done that he would never forgive anyone els for, AND they grew up the same exact way. They GET each other...b/c as much as they profess to be better than the compound people, there are lots of things that Bill and Niikki see eye to eye about that Marge and Barb don't get. And if you notice, whenver there is some kind of "Vote," he always knows he can count on Nikki to agree with him. She is the most loyal to her "husband," and he knows that.

Barb is lucky, IMO, that Bill is so fair and does love her, b/c most men I know would love to have 2 agreeable young women, and not want to deal with an aging nag all the time. If she were in another household, she would have lost her nights, and hecne her power in the household.

[samantha]

Feb 24, 2010 8:42:31 GMT -5 miceelf said:

I get the sense that when Barb was really sick, her family and church just weren't there to support the family, so Bill went to his "family" at JC, for help. Barb's sister and mother can be real witches -- I can see them whining and wringing their hands, "Oh Bill, I know Barb is horribly ill with chemo, and I'd love to come help with the children, I really would, but I have a meeting with the Ladies' Auxiliary and Garden Club today!" The people at JC are freaky to be sure, but one thing they have is a ready supply of women who are used to backbreaking work and are trained to serve as cooks, maids, nurses, babysitters, carpenters, farmers, pack horses, you name it. Bill had three young kids and a dying wife and may not have known where else to turn.

Also, money seems to have been a huge problem -- Bill was self employed, and it sounds like he did not have adequate insurance for Barb's cancer treatment. So as much as he hated Roman, who else could he go to, who else could solve both problems? And Nicki was fresh from whatever horrors JJ put her through, so Roman may have been looking for a suitable man to place her with -- take her off his hands, and maybe ease some of his (minor) guilt at having sealed his darling daughter to that monster JJ in the first place. Maybe Nicki had a crush on Bill since they were kids, and that was the main reason Roman insisted that Frank banish Bill? I got the impression that when Bill came to Roman for help with Barb that Nicki was practically jumping up and down, "Pick me, pick me!' to go help.

Great insight, micelf! I totally agree. There was one point where Bill said to Barb, "what church turns their backs on their people when they need them the most; when you were sick,".....
I think when Barb got sick, the only ones willing to help was Roman and the principle. Roman was probably saying, Hevenly Father will help Barb if you lived the principle, and then Barb gets well. Or maybe, Bill asked Heavenly Father, give me a sign, etc.

[mottob27]

Regarding Barb's decision to live the principal or not: does she really have a choice? I was always under the impression that a mormon wife obeys her husband, end of discussion.

Didn't Barb have a mini mental breakdown after being outted at the mother of the year award thing and do alot of swimming?

And last but not least, I never put it together that all of Bill's wives cheated (Barba kinda emotionally) on him. That's great. Bill can be a real idiot sometimes. Thanks rissmeek for pointing that out.

[liz3564]

Regarding Barb's decision to live the principal or not: does she really have a choice? I was always under the impression that a mormon wife obeys her husband, end of discussion.

Uh, no. Not in a traditional LDS household, at any rate. It's true that the husband has the Priesthood, and presides over the household, but that is very different than the wife just automatically saying yes to everything. There is mutual discussion and agreement. And, if the husband "pulls rank" and utilizes his power to preside unrighteously, then he is utilizing "unrighteous dominion". This is serious business in the Mormon Church. The Priesthood holder can lose his temple recommend for it. (In the LDS Church, going to the temple is a big deal, and you have to have a recommend signed by the bishop and Stake President to go. The temple is where we get married and perform ordinances, so without a temple recommend, you can't participate in relatives' weddings, etc. There are also certain callings in the Church which you cannot hold without a temple recommend.)

Sorry to abruptly jump in, but since I am LDS, I just thought I would point a few things out. I believe there are only two of us on the board here who are active LDS.

As far as the OP goes.....excellent OP! Don't apologize for the long post at all!

As an active LDS, I think I relate most with Barb. I agree that she has lost the most. It's easy to look in from the outside, and just say that she should walk away, but she does still have children, and it is obvious that she still has feelings for Bill. I do think that she is extremely underappreciated by Bill for everything she does. And, I have to admit, I'm kind of rooting for something to happen between her and Tommy....maybe not a full-blown affair, but at least a kiss.

I think that Tommy appreciates her and sees a side of her that Bill doesn't see.